The One Who Made It a Competition
His birthday dinner used to be twelve people and a bar tab that made everyone nervous. This year it was four people at a restaurant she picked, with a fixed menu, and she ordered for him. The other eight found out via Instagram. The screenshot that circulated in the alternate group chat — the one she doesn’t know about — is genuinely historic.
She doesn’t dislike his friends exactly. She just thinks her friends are more “at their level now.” Whatever that means. The guys have started rating their own hangouts on a 1-10 “how much did this feel like a hostage situation” scale. Last outing scored a 7.
The One Who Declared War on the Group Chat
She didn’t leave the group chat. She got ADDED to the group chat. Nobody is sure how. One day she just appeared with a blue tick next to her name and the vibe never recovered. The memes stopped. The unhinged voice notes stopped. Someone posted a photo of a duck and three people reacted with thumbs up like it was a LinkedIn update.
There’s a backup chat now — obviously — but two of the guys keep accidentally posting in the wrong one and then going silent for three hours. The chaos is immaculate. Wait until you find out who created the backup group and what they named it.
